Beyond ABCs and 123s: Rethinking School-Readiness

Over the past few decades, there has been a lot of emphasis on the skills that children need in order to enter school successfully; being interested in books, recognizing that symbols are representative, matching colors and shapes, the list goes on …  

However, there has been a significant increase in mental health concerns among the younger population. Not only in high school, but increasingly in the lower grades, and even in pre-school, we are seeing higher rates of anxiety and depression among our children. The Guardian reports that in 2004 10.2% of UK boys and 5.1% of girls between the ages of 5 and 11 have a mental health disorder, including depression, anxiety, behavioral and conduct problems.

Why is it that, with this focus on skills that are believed to ensure that children who enter school are successful, so many more children are struggling to keep up with the emotional demands of school? With so much information at our fingertips, we seem to have forgotten that there is more to success than ABCs and 123s. It is not enough for our little ones to be able to count up to 1000 or read fluently when they enter preschool as so many of the resources would have us believe. Before we tackle this list, there are three core beliefs that children need in order to flourish in any environment:

1. I am connected to at least one significant adult who cares about me
2. I am an important part of this unit, and my presence is needed here
3. I am able and competent to deal with difficulties and demands

When these beliefs are in place, children have a strong foundation from which to approach the new challenges, both academic and social, presented by the school environment.

On to the list!

Beyond the academic skills that children require to be considered “school ready”, the following social and emotional skills were identified by Steven Foster in his interviews with early learning teachers, as crucial to helping children become active, and integral participants in the classroom:

• Delaying gratification
• Cooperation skills
• Emotional literacy
• Communication skills
• Courage and Growth Mindset

The teachers from these interviews, although aware of the increased emphasis on early literacy and numeracy skills, were all too aware of how skills lacking in any of these areas can have a negative impact on a child throughout their educational career. Let’s consider each of these skills in turn, identifying what they look like, how this translates into the classroom, and the potential outcomes if these skills are lacking:

1. Delaying gratification

Delaying gratification can simply be defined as waiting or stopping something that you like in order to participate in something that is not as enjoyable. In a classroom environment, this can entail waiting for a turn to play with a toy (in the early years); stopping playing or talking in order to listen to, and follow, instructions; or stopping one academic task in order to engage in another. If these skills are absent, a young learner may be considered defiant, disruptive, and difficult. Imagine, for a moment, that you are back in class. Think back to that one learner that everyone gave the side-eye to, the one that was constantly being called out, or in trouble. How different would our perception of them be if the adults looked at their considered “naughty” behavior as skill deficits rather than deliberate responses? Would they have had more support and less condemnation? Would their confidence, and ability to overcome their challenges have been any different?

Children who are unable to delay gratification tend to struggle with skills that aid them in the learning environment. When these skills are absent or poorly developed, they run the risk of being labeled as “the difficult one” or “the naughty child” which can have deleterious effects on their self-esteem.

Consider again the core beliefs mentioned above – when a child is struggling without adequate support to develop these skills – the reactions and opinions of others in their environment (both adults and children) will erode their sense of significance and belonging, which can strike a devastating blow to their confidence and sense of self-worth.

• Cooperation skills

I have shared my thoughts about cooperation versus compliance in many a blog post, but for the sake of clarity, cooperation is a deliberate decision to participate and collaborate with others, whereas compliance tends to be a coerced, almost subservient response to instruction. Cooperative children tend to have greater self-worth, and the ability to advocate for themselves with both peers and adults without fear of rejection should they choose not to do something because it does not work for them. In contrast, compliant children tend to “go with the flow” out of fear that they may not be accepted, tolerated, or liked. In essence, they are complying with instructions and demands in order to please others. This can set the stage for anxiety, low self-worth, and poor self-esteem, as they learn to shut down their needs and feelings and learn to bow to the will of others.

Children who have learnt to be cooperative are able to voice their thoughts and feelings respectfully and share their decision-making process with the tacit understanding that their opinions and feelings are valid and worthy of respect. Although this does not mean that they will never face conflict, they are far better able to withstand social pressures and maintain a healthy sense of self.

We should be wary of the “good” child – while often a pleasure to work with and rarely defiant and willful, the “good” child at some level may have learnt that in order to belong, have significance and be loved, they need to please others, shutting down their thoughts and feelings about situations. Instead of expressing their displeasure in healthy ways, they tend to bottle them up or stuff them down, which can result in mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.

• Emotional Literacy

Perhaps more popularly referred to as “self-regulation” skills nowadays, emotional literacy revolves around the ability to identify and manage strong emotions. This is simplistic – self-regulation is an outflow of having had sufficient support in managing difficult emotions during the early years in the form of an adult taking care to acknowledge, soothe and support babies and toddlers through co-regulating. For children to be able to self-regulate then, they need to know that all their emotions are valid and okay, that there are healthy ways to express their emotions, and that they can take care to manage their emotions in appropriate ways. As with all development, this is a lengthy process that will continue to develop as children grow and mature, however, by age 4 most children are able to regulate strong emotions.

When a child has not had sufficient opportunity to learn these skills through co-regulation with a significant adult in their lives, they are more vulnerable to behavior challenges, such as crying or anger outbursts. Take frustration, for example. If a child is unable to recognize and respond to their own frustration with empathy, they will not know which steps to take in order to feel better, instead, they may react through throwing, yelling, or in extreme cases, hitting or biting. In the school environment, this can have a negative impact on their social and emotional development. Again, they run the risk of censure from their peers and adults in the environment, affecting their sense of belonging, capability, and significance. This is hardly a recipe for success.

• Communication Skills

Beyond being able to speak (either vocally or through iconic communication), children who have strong communication skills are able to ask for help when they need it, express self-care needs (such as asking for breaks or the bathroom), communicate disagreement or displeasure respectfully, and use words to resolve conflicts that inevitably come up in an environment of small people who are all learning how to human.

From my many years of experience in working with children who struggle with these skills, I can safely say that being able to communicate in functional, meaningful ways, is crucial. We should not take for granted that if a child can speak, they can automatically communicate well. If communication is poorly developed as a skill, and children are unable to let the adults and children in their environment know their physical and emotional needs, they are more likely to engage in aggressive or unwanted behaviors such as crying or screaming. For instance, if they want a turn with a favorite toy but are unable to ask for a turn appropriately, they may resort to grabbing. If this continues to happen, they become “that kid.” Children are aware of the labels, both spoken and unconsciously assigned. Before they enter the school environment, care needs to be taken to ensure that they can communicate their most basic needs and persist until those needs have been met.

• Courage and Growth Mindset

Imagine being in an environment where things are new and the instructions and tasks are difficult without believing in your ability to figure it out or solve problems. You have been taught that you are strong and smart but no one quite took the time to show you what to do when you are stuck – they either did it for you, or told you that it’s okay, and that you can do something else. How much confidence would you have in yourself to do well, or take the steps to becoming better at something?

It takes a good deal of courage and a heavy dose of capability when walking into the school environment, where there are more demands on your cognitive and emotional skills. When children have a poor sense of capability, or an inflated sense of self, the school environment can be extremely taxing on their confidence and can, if left alone, erode their sense of belonging down to the nub. Throughout my years as a child behavior interventionist, I have seen this erosion in many forms, from the teenager who shuts down completely when presented with a difficult-seeming task, to children who would run out of the class or upend tables when they are expected to do something new. Granted, these are extreme cases, but these children had the same feelings and perceptions as the child who does not have faith that they can do difficult things or overcome barriers.

While the effects of the missing skills can seem scary and daunting, there is hope. With the right parental involvement and attention, we can ensure that children develop these skills in order to enter their academic careers set up to be successful – whether or not the ABCs or 123s are in place.

If you are concerned about your child’s emotional development, contact us at http://www.thinkerkid.com or headthinker@thinkerkid.com

References:

Foster, S. in Lott, L. and Nelsen, J., 2008. Teaching Parenting The Positive Discipline Way. [Orem, UT]: [Empowering People].

Sedghi, A., 2020. What Is The State Of Children’s Mental Health Today?. [online] the Guardian. Available at: <https://www.theguardian.com/society/christmas-charity-appeal-2014-blog/2015/jan/05/-sp-state-children-young-people-mental-health-today&gt; [Accessed 8 October 2020].